There are two potential scenarios. Your child either comes out beaming and pretty pleased with how the exam went. In which case - you celebrate! Go for a treat. The other scenario is your child comes out not so happy. Maybe a bit more upset, sometimes tears.
It’s difficult knowing what to do. You could ask how they’d want you to respond before exam season kicks in. They might have ideas or suggestions for you but after the exam, they might want you to respond differently. Nonetheless, take the suggestions from before exam season on board. Every child is different too. Perhaps frustratingly. So, don’t feel bad if it takes time to find the right approach on how to comfort your child.
Personally, I’ve come out of quite a few exams in my time, upset and with tears. And each time, I’ve wanted a different response. Mum would quite usually tell me to get a grip and that whatever is meant to be, is meant to be. Therefore, there’s really no need to be crying oh so fretfully. Usually I’d have to agree with her words of wisdom but that never stopped me feeling upset. I would say, allow your child to have some grieving time. Maybe some alone time, or maybe not. Perhaps they’d just prefer a silent hug for a while. Hugging them might make them tear up even more (that’s not a bad thing - I’m just warning you).
If they don’t want your company at that point in time, don’t take it personally. But take the hint. So they might not reply to your WhatsApp message which asks how the exam went, or they might go up to their bedroom and close the door on you. Allow them some space and then go in and provide comfort. Don’t ask them to dissect the exam for you - you can see they think it didn’t go well. Usually, if they want to share what went wrong with the exam, they will.
Sometimes you might have to instigate the conversation. Try more open ended questions. For example, “How are you?” or “How are you feeling?”. You can also ask if there is anything you can do for them. Keep them well stocked up with drinks, (healthy) snacks and tissues.
And then, be a guardian, and share your words of wisdom. Just let them know that you’re proud of them regardless of whether they’ve passed or failed. So long as they’ve tried their best. And if they didn’t try their best, and the exam was kicked some sense into them, then you’re proud that they’ve realised they need to work a bit harder. So long as you don’t give up on them, it’ll make that exam season so much easier. Try your best to not be judgemental and just have an open ear for whenever they need.
We as students are so aware that exam season is also pretty draining for you, so we do appreciate all you do to try and make it easier for us - even if we do block you out after each exam (because we need time to mourn).
As soon as exam season is over, and your child has had time to recover from the entire season (which can take up to a couple of weeks - sorry), I assure you they will be back to their normal selves. In fact pretty soon after their last exam, feel free to rope them into your activity days and events. They might not want to go initially but the sooner one can get their minds off of exam season - the better.
Thank you for all your hard work,
Sumayyah Amin